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Why does he batter
A question of domestic violence
This is the number one question most people want
to understand. The question, however, should be "Why does he batter?"
The question why does she stay places the blame on the victim. The
reality is that the majority of battered women make heroic efforts at
leaving, but because of the following reasons, most are unsuccessful.
Fear: The number one reason for
not leaving is fear. According to the FBI, up to 40% of female homicides in any
given year occur when the woman decides to leave the abusive relationship. Her
fears are not unfounded! Given this face, it is very important that the battered
woman's expression of fear not be minimized. If a decision to leave
has been made, a safety plan should be put in place.
Lack of Resources: Since one of
the major components of abuse is isolation, the battered woman most often lacks a
support system. Her family ties and friendships have been destroyed leaving her
psychologically and financially dependent on the abusive partner.
Lack of Finances/Economic Reality:
The economic reality for women particularly those with children is a bleak one.
This is especially true for women who have not worked outside the home. Economic
dependence on the abuser is a very real reason for remaining in the relationship.
Public assistance programs have been drastically reduced and those that
remain provide inadequate benefits.
Children: Being a single parent
is a strenuous experience under the best of circumstances, and for most battered
women, conditions are far from the best. The enormous responsibility of raising
children alone can be overwhelming. Often, the abuser may threaten to take the children
away from her if she even attempts to leave.
Feelings of Guilt: The woman may
believe that her husband is "sick" and/or needs her help or somewhat confused
(being seduced by another woman into an illicit relationship etc.); the idea of
leaving can thus produce feelings of guilt.
Promises of Reform: As is consistent with the cycle of violence,
the abuser promises it will never happen again; the victim wants to
believe this is true.
Sex-Role Conditioning: Most
women are still taught to be passive and dependent on men. In addition, women
generally accept the responsibility for success or failure in their relationships;
to leave is to admit failure.
Links:
Women in Islam (Submission)
Wife beating in Islam?
Wife Beating? by Dr. Jamal Badawi
Wife Beating in Islam is a Lie!!
Is wife beating allowed in Islam?
Wife "Beating"
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